For the past few weeks I have been thinking about topics for an upcoming singles workshop in Gatlinburg. One of the questions I have heard from a number of single Christians is, "How can I be sure about the person I am dating?" Here are a few thoughts from experience (mine and others).Does it feel right? Sometimes we tend to explain away certain personality quirks if we like someone. Nagging doubts, or little irritations tend to be magnified as a relationship advances. Yes, there will be things you have to work through in any relationship, but if, at the core they are character questions you need to think twice.
Can you talk about anything and everything? Good communication is a hallmark of a great relationship. There needs to be an openess and transparency between two people. Does the other person share their victories and failures with you, or do you get the sense that some topics are off limits? Chemistry is great, having fun together is important, but if you can't talk about the really important things in your heart and mind, you are heading for trouble.
Have you met their family and friends? The people we spend time with says a lot about our values and interests. If a persons surrounds themselves with people of godly character; if they are active in worthwhile causes like church and charities; it gives you a peek into their heart. If they sit around on Friday night with a six pack, or hang out at the local pub till 2:00 am., that probably tells you something too.
What does your gut (conscience) tell you? I have heard so many people say, "I knew something wasn't right, but I couldn't put my finger on it." Of course it's great when you can say, "Wow, everything just feels right this time. Good experiences and bad have trained your conscience to be on guard - listen to it.
Finally, learn something from your past. Don't blame the other person, take a long look at yourself and ask, "What did I learn from past relationships?" I can't tell you how many people I have watched repeat the same mistakes. They will sit in my office and say, "I know that I date the wrong type of people, but that is what I am drawn too." If you want to change your results, then you need to change your behavior.
1 comment:
The key to knowing if the person you are dating is right is PRAY! In fact, the key to knowing that any decision you are about to make is the right one is to take it to the Lord in PRAYER! Pray and ask the Lord what His will is for your life, including your dating life! As a believer, we receive the Holy Spirit, He is there to guide us and help us as we submit to God. Also, if the person you are dating is not a believer, your answer is already self-evident. Forming a bond with an unbeliever that could eventually led to marriage is not a wise choice. Get in God's Word and lean on the Lord for His answer in all aspects of your life, especially those involving who you will be sharing a significant amount of time with, whether friends or dates, or a marriage partner. The Lord loves you and He will guide you in all aspects of your life, the key is to seek His will and to not lean on your "feelings" which can be very deceptive and misleading. Love in Christ!
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