How can you be sure?

For the past few weeks I have been thinking about topics for an upcoming singles workshop in Gatlinburg. One of the questions I have heard from a number of single Christians is, "How can I be sure about the person I am dating?" Here are a few thoughts from experience (mine and others).

Does it feel right? Sometimes we tend to explain away certain personality quirks if we like someone. Nagging doubts, or little irritations tend to be magnified as a relationship advances. Yes, there will be things you have to work through in any relationship, but if, at the core they are character questions you need to think twice.

Can you talk about anything and everything? Good communication is a hallmark of a great relationship. There needs to be an openess and transparency between two people. Does the other person share their victories and failures with you, or do you get the sense that some topics are off limits? Chemistry is great, having fun together is important, but if you can't talk about the really important things in your heart and mind, you are heading for trouble.

Have you met their family and friends? The people we spend time with says a lot about our values and interests. If a persons surrounds themselves with people of godly character; if they are active in worthwhile causes like church and charities; it gives you a peek into their heart. If they sit around on Friday night with a six pack, or hang out at the local pub till 2:00 am., that probably tells you something too.

What does your gut (conscience) tell you? I have heard so many people say, "I knew something wasn't right, but I couldn't put my finger on it." Of course it's great when you can say, "Wow, everything just feels right this time. Good experiences and bad have trained your conscience to be on guard - listen to it.

Finally, learn something from your past. Don't blame the other person, take a long look at yourself and ask, "What did I learn from past relationships?" I can't tell you how many people I have watched repeat the same mistakes. They will sit in my office and say, "I know that I date the wrong type of people, but that is what I am drawn too." If you want to change your results, then you need to change your behavior.

Take me Higher

There are certain people in your life who lift you up and make your life richer and fuller. As I look back over 48 years I realize I have been blessed with more than a few of those friends. I have childhood friends I keep in touch with, my college roomate and I get together a few times a year even though he lives in Canada, and I still have close friendships in all the churches I have been priviledged to serve.

This past week has reminded me of the blessings of friendship. There is a fairly new trend on the internet known as social networking. It consists of websites like myspace and facebook. They are marketed as a way to stay connected and they can serve a good purpose, but I think they are only effective when you have built a personal relationship with someone. Every once in a while I get a "friend request" from someone I don't know. That seems strange to me. "You may be an ax murder, but I want you to be my friend."

Maybe I am just old fashion, but I want to see my friends face to face. I enjoy sitting and talking over a cup of coffee. I want to see the gleam in their eye, hear the subtle intonations of their voice as we share our thoughts and ideas.

There are a few people who raise my spirits with an email. I am thankful that I can stay connected with my son who is in Europe, friends across the state, but even those relationships were built through personal interaction.

Now for the inconsistency of this blog. Here I am sharing my thoughts and feelings with my friends through this electronic medium called the internet. If somehow my words have touched you and we are not yet friends - well that just shows what an intelligent person you are. :-)