Meet me at the checkout.

It always makes me laugh when someone asks me dating advice. I guess that is the curse that comes with writing a book. People assume because you were gutsy enough to put something in print that you must be some kind of expert.

One of the ways I do research (and entertain myself at the same time) is to read the postings at Christian singles bulletin boards. It is tremendously insightful what people reveal about themselves on a public forum. One interesting discussion recently centered on how or where to meet people. I wrote in my book that it seems that some people are just waiting for FEDEX to overnight their life partner.

If you want to make friends, you have to create a social network. Online dating has become a multi-million dollar industry, but at some point in time you still have to make personal contact. I think there are two simple strategies for meeting other people with like values and interests. First, get involved in local activiites you enjoy, tennis, boating, chess club, or volunteer at a charity. Second, get over your shyness. Say hello to the woman in the produce section and ask her how she selects a good pineapple, or smile when you walk up to the teller at the bank and say, "You must be having a great day today - your face is just beaming."

I am not suggesting that you develop a set of smooth lines, just be friendly, sincere and open to making contact with people in your community. Most importantly, make sure you are attending church regularly. You have a better shot in church on Sunday, than you do at the local watering hole on Saturday night!!!

How can you be sure?

For the past few weeks I have been thinking about topics for an upcoming singles workshop in Gatlinburg. One of the questions I have heard from a number of single Christians is, "How can I be sure about the person I am dating?" Here are a few thoughts from experience (mine and others).

Does it feel right? Sometimes we tend to explain away certain personality quirks if we like someone. Nagging doubts, or little irritations tend to be magnified as a relationship advances. Yes, there will be things you have to work through in any relationship, but if, at the core they are character questions you need to think twice.

Can you talk about anything and everything? Good communication is a hallmark of a great relationship. There needs to be an openess and transparency between two people. Does the other person share their victories and failures with you, or do you get the sense that some topics are off limits? Chemistry is great, having fun together is important, but if you can't talk about the really important things in your heart and mind, you are heading for trouble.

Have you met their family and friends? The people we spend time with says a lot about our values and interests. If a persons surrounds themselves with people of godly character; if they are active in worthwhile causes like church and charities; it gives you a peek into their heart. If they sit around on Friday night with a six pack, or hang out at the local pub till 2:00 am., that probably tells you something too.

What does your gut (conscience) tell you? I have heard so many people say, "I knew something wasn't right, but I couldn't put my finger on it." Of course it's great when you can say, "Wow, everything just feels right this time. Good experiences and bad have trained your conscience to be on guard - listen to it.

Finally, learn something from your past. Don't blame the other person, take a long look at yourself and ask, "What did I learn from past relationships?" I can't tell you how many people I have watched repeat the same mistakes. They will sit in my office and say, "I know that I date the wrong type of people, but that is what I am drawn too." If you want to change your results, then you need to change your behavior.

Waiting on God

I was never a very patient person - so waiting on God is always a challenge for me. It is especially difficult when the answer seems so obvious to me. "Alright Lord, I need one more account to meet my budget this month, wrapping that up by Friday would be great." Wouldn't it be nice if it worked that way.

Last night I was reminded of how many people out there are waiting on God to answer their prayer for a Christian partner. I was asked during our prayer service to pray for all those who are lonely and seeking a Christian mate. An interesting paradox isn't it: wait on the Lord, or seek a mate? I believe the old proverb, "God helps those who help themselves." It is the law of sowing and reaping. If we want a harvest, we have to sow some seed.

I know a lot of singles who are sitting at home, waiting for God to FEDEX their knight in shining armor. I tried a search on E-bay, but she wasn't their either. Loneliness is a terrible thing because it can debilitate people. Their negativity becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. They never find the love of their life, because of apathy and inactivity.

This may sound a little harsh, but if you are lonely, get off the couch - throw on a little make-up and visit a singles class at church, or volunteer at a local charity, maybe even get back to working out at the YMCA occasionally. Guys, you need to shave, put on a clean shirt, brush your teeth and put on a little deoderant.

Since we are all waiting on God to bring us that special someone, we might as well use that time to prepare ourselves for the next great thing He pours into our lives. A wise man once said, "Success is where opportunity meets preparation." You take the time to get prepared and an opportunity will present itself.