Family

21 years ago my father died suddenly of a heart attack and 12 years ago I lost a brother the same way. 4 years ago to the day the judge signed the papers dissolving my marriage and two years ago my mother died of ovarian cancer. There was one constant through each of these tragedies - I was always surrounded by family.

My biological family have always been close. Growing up our friends at church would just refer to us as "the Wheeler boys," but the family I am referring to is my spiritual family - my brothers and sisters in Christ. I had just moved to a new church the day before my father died. The elders told me to go and take as much time as I needed to help my family and cope with the grieving process. When I returned my "new family" rallied around me and made me feel at home.

When my brother passed away, doing mission work in Costa Rica, the church collected the funds to send me to San Jose to help with the arrangements there. When my marriage failed, it was my Christian family who rescued me from heartache and despair and when I lost my mom they comforted me like no one else could.

Today my family all live in and around Spring Hill, Tennessee. They are a special group of people - like none I have ever known. They pray with me, cry with me and rejoice with me. They rally around my children, hold up my hands when I am weak and challenge me when apathy overtakes me.

I have seen some dark days and battled some personal demons in my life (probably no more than the next guy), but I couldn't have made it this far without my Christian family. I don't know how some people make it through life without a Father to comfort them, an elder brother to watch over them and a multitude to carry their burdens when they are weak.

I am proud of my family name - Christian. Like any family we have a few characters, some who struggle and a few hoary heads to impart to us wisdom along the way. Sometimes we fuss, but mostly we just love one another - for love covers a multitude of sin.

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Remember

I know at times I must really frustrate God. He has surrounded me with a 1,000 reasons to remember him daily. Whether it is all the memorials he has recorded throughout his word, or the granduer of his creation - somehow I still forget.

Like many of my peers I get busy with work, children and yes it is even possible to get too busy at church (if you are working without purpose). Trying to live life can quickly crowd out the the importance of "retaining God in our knowledge."

I am thankful that in addition to the encouragement I find God's word and the friends he has sent to hold me accountable, that God still works in my life. I can't always explain how God calls me to remembrance. Sometimes he uses a trial or hardship, at other times it is the pure joy that comes from a brother or sister stepping up and walking with me through life, but this I know - God is alive and active.

So next time you feel you are drifting, or alone, remember God because he never forgets you.

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Honesty with Compassion

Honesty and compassion are two traits that work well together, but can actually be damaging when practiced in a vacuum. Let me give you an example. I have often been bruised and battered by the verbal onslaught of another only to have them excuse their behavior by saying, "I was only being honest."

I don't believe that honesty is a club that should be used to bludgeon our friends and acquaintances whenever it suits us. Compassion can also be a quality that is exercised without discretion. When we always bend over backwards for another person, or give them a pass when they do something wrong - we then become enablers. Grace and compassion were never intended to be the all encompassing umbrella that protects us from personal responsibility and acceptable social behavior.

Now take honesty and compassion and put them together and you have this wonderful marriage of two complementary qualities. Honesty will help us when we need to share unpleasant truths with those we love. Perhaps a friend who is in denial over something going on in their life, or a co-worker who needs to suck it up and get their work done. Compassion then tempers our approach to that person. We pause to consider the impact of our statements and how they can be delivered to bring the desired result while inflicting the least amount of pain.

If you are going to be honest with me, please temper your zeal with a little compassion. If you are feeling sorry for me, take the time to gently share with me the unpleasant truths I need to hear.

Were there not ten?

In Luke 17, Jesus approaches a village when he meets ten lepers who stood afar off (17:12). They cried out to our Lord to have mercy on them. Jesus instructed them to go show themselves to the priests and once they obeyed they were cleansed.

Imagine the tremendous joy they must have felt. All of a sudden their entire lives where changed. No longer did they have to isolate themselves from social contact. They would never again have to walk through the streets crying, "unclean, unclean" as others approached. The dispair of waiting day by day as their bodies slowly withered away was a thing of the past.

What is more incredible is that only one of the ten turned back and glorified God. He fell down at the feet of Jesus and thanked Him. Even more amazing is the fact that the one who returned was a Samaritan.

I have often heard lessons from this passage emphasizing the importance of gratitude, but this morning another thought came to mind. I started thinking about all the people that Jesus helped and how few actually thanked him. He raised the dead, restored the lame, healed the sick, fed the hungry and ministered to the heartbroken - still through it all many took his good works for granted.

In this particular case Jesus recognized the fact that nine of the ten failed to return and glorify God, but in most cases Jesus simply went about doing good. In Acts 10:38 that is exactly what Peter says about our Lord, "God anointed Jesus of Nazareth with the Holy Ghost and with power: who went about doing good, and healing all that were oppressed of the devil; for God was with him."

So, are you the kind of person who has to be thanked for everything you do? Do you think that the church should only help those who express gratitude, show penetence, or identify themselves with the local church? Our obligation is "to do good unto all men, especially those of the household of faith" (Galatians 6:10). There are times I feel as Jesus did - "Were there not ten cleansed? but where are the nine?" (Luke 17:17).

Lord, thank you for the one who returned and glorified God. Thank for setting an example of sacrificial service, even when it seems unappreciated. Thank you for reminding me that my duty to mankind is to sieze the opportunities to daily serve.

Encouraging Words

As part of my ongoing work with singles I find myself involved in a lot areas. Whether it is blogging, teaching a singles class, posting messages on bulletin boards, or subscribing to list- serves, there are some common threads with everyone I meet.

One area that has become abundantly clear to me over the past few weeks is that everyone wants to hear encouraging words - even those who don't often give them. The wise man of old says, "A kind word turns away wrath."

I am afraid that sometimes we forgot how powerful our words can be. Through words Hitler convinced a nation to commit the most deplorable attrocities and through words Churchill lifted a nation from its knees and taught them to never surrender.

We often marvel at the grand gestures of those who are helping combat world hunger, or fighting the AIDS virus, or putting political pressure on places like Darfur. What we forget is that each and everyday we too can make a difference. A few words of encouragement, a pat on the back or offering a little hope when someone is discouraged can change life forever.

Take an opportunity today to speak some encouraging words to those who are longing to hear them.

Our Pop Culture

This morning I changed my home page when I logged onto the Internet. For the longest time it simply defaulted to the Comcast website. I have tired of seeing the headlines concerning Brittany, Christina, Justin and the other "entertainers" who seem to get some twisted pleasure out of their dysfunctional behaviors.

Statistics show that the divorce rates continue to rise and that at any given time 25% of our children are raised in single-parent homes and that 50% of children in the U.S. will be raised by a single parent at some point in their lives.

I know there are lots of reason for all the relationship problems we face in our country, but one of them is the message we constantly recieve in the media. Our music, movies, television and even commercials send the message that relationships are disposable and that pleasure is more important that happiness.

It has always irritated me when we make excuses for bad behavior. It would be easy to blame or modern culture, how we were raised, or other external influences for our behavior; but the bottom line is that I am responsible for my actions and behaviors. God has given me his word to instruct me, Christian friends to support me, and the Holy Spirit to guide me.

While I am often disgusted by the moral behavior of many who live in the spotlight, I also feel for them. I don't believe they are truly happy and realize that God wants us to pray for all his children. So, as strange as it seems, when you are praying for friends who struggling and family members who are sick, try saying a prayer for the "cultural leaders" in our society that God may touch their hearts and bring them to an understanding of His will.

ANSWERS

There have been many times in my life when I found myself on my knees asking God for answers to some of life's toughest questions.

* Lord, why did this happen to me?
* Will this sense of loneliness ever end?
* How can I be a better parent to my children?

The questions change depending on the particular need or crisis, but the pattern is typically the same. A challenge or hardship comes our way and we feel as though we are at our ropes end. We don't know where to turn, or how to find the answers to the problems we face. It is in those moments of deep desparation we turn to God.

Then comes the fun part. "O.K God, I prayed about it. I asked for your help - now it is time for you to fix everything." While I have fallen into that pattern far too many times myself, I hope that on a few occasions I had the clarity of thought to "search for the answers." God did not provide his divine will so that we could keep our leather bound, thumb-indexed editions of his word setting neatly on our coffee tables.

The writer of Hebrews was right when he said, "For God's Message is full of life and power, and is keener than the sharpest two-edged sword. It pierces even to the severance of soul from spirit, and penetrates between the joints and the marrow, and it can discern the secret thoughts and purposes of the heart." (WNT) Sometimes I imagine God just sitting there, shaking His head saying, "Just like a man, he still hasn't read the instruction manual."

Often times we behave like small children. We want very short, simple answers to the most complex questions. God longs for us to pour our hearts out before Him, but he also expects us to make an effort to find the answers he has placed right before our eyes.